everyone's an artist, their life their masterpiece (part i)

i told an acquaintence the above and she thought i was a dogmatic bastard. denial much?

so i've been working on feeling less sorry for myself and getting myself out and around inspirational people, which led me to this old "underground"/hipster-NYC mailing list which sends out a weekly email of cool/bizarre events in NYC (usually relating to experimental [performance] art). It's entertaining and cheap/free, which is gold to me.
...i've been on the list since junior year of college, but I didn't feel cool/ballsy enough to partake in such "this is your life" events; now I'm finally up there. *waves flag of enthusiasm*

in feeling less sorry for myself, I try also to be less bitter about life. it seems that bitterness is usually caused by inaction, so i try to catch myself in bitter moments and think what i could do to move onwards and upwards. From this I've thought about being an "artist," because I'm so critical of all the movies/books/music/painting/etc that I see lots of people buying/watching/listening to/etc. I acknowledge that there are smarter and better-skilled people out there, and I'm always looking to them for inspiration, but a lot of the "successful" writers/painters/musicians, etc. are not these people. Most of the smarter, more-talented people seem to choose a more-secure/wealthier profession, expressing themselves as a hobby. The less-smart (but equally-skilled) ones tend to be bitter. So I feel I should make the compromise and become an "artist" who does not take himself seriously. I'll write to change people's minds, while generally raising morale. And I'll write better than others; that's my goal. I aim not to be excellent/amazing/etc, but to just be better than what's out in the open. And if other people start doing the same, then we've raised the bar on media and I'll gladly step aside to work on other areas of the human experience (like health & sustainability).

This decision was made with ethics in mind. Part of me wants to be zen-ethical: be in every moment how I think the world should be, regardless of how many people fall below my standard. But that can be painfully frustrating, and humans should embrace pleasure. Which leads me to the idea of being resource-ethical: accepting that people with the most resources can make the biggest changes, so why not aim to get lots of resources (money) and change the world how you/one sees fit?
I've generally accepted the latter, because I feel it's important for people to strive to impact the world with their "unique" expression, in an Adam Smith sort of way. e.g. everyone striving to be as cool as possible will make the world a cooler place.

So until something better comes along, it's being an "artist" (scripts, columns, articles, reviews, essays, stories, et cetera).

OR, I throw away the notion that "success" is important and just live every day as happily as possible with no grand aspirations. But I'm kind of into the 'grand aspirations' thing; thank you Western Civ.


to be continued... (post would be too long)

Love,
gM

but who's going to entertain me?!

for anyone ludicrous enough to check my blog, this (post) is for you!

well i've been "making it work" as much as possible, but Fate has been jealous and is slightly stronger than me...so life limps on.

I've increased my nanny network to a whole international entourage, but--unfotunately--they don't quite see it that way. Or they do and they hate me for it. Either way, I'm still very sexually frustrated (and therefore frustrated with life in general)!
...I tried to seduce a relative and now we hate each other.

But on the upside, my host family and I have been growing closer together, and I know enough inspirational people to "move along."

Philosophically, I've tried "going big (or going home)" as much as possible, and I think it generally intimidates the audience...and therefore backfires and I get superdepressed. So I'm trying to "embrace the flow" as much as possible, also in a yogic sense (though I pretty much abhor yogic philosophy).

I'm still running and bodyweighting to stay fit; I have yet to join a gym (unlike my sell-out nanny friends!): shorts & sweatshirt in 40-degree weather; whooooh baby! ...but it just smells so damn good outside, especially by the sea.

AND, I've started drinking coffee. But I might start drinking solely espresso on occasion. Fascinating?

carpe vita my wonderful readers!

Love,
gM

fail.

"make it work" seems to only work in particular situations. i think it's back to mostly going with intuition, and challenging myself.


"The World's a Stage"
-gM

that's what i'm talking about

i've risen to the "make it work" existence.

Love,
gM

shabam.

just been taking it easy; currently on vacation visiting family and friends. Manny job has been extended through next summer, but I'm always looking for different careers more suitable to my person (but 'suitable to my person' keeps getting simultaneously more & less clear, which hasn't been too helpful).

Summer got semi-boring pretty fast when a lot of my nanny friends left to go home, but my weekends have been full of roadtrips and adventures (mostly Connecticut).

Been watching movies (any good ones have been added to the list in this blog), reading books (ditto), and improving my physique.
Been running nearly nightly, do yoga every now and then, and i've been trying to find a sport to call my own / join a local league, but all I can find are youth leagues. I'm leaning towards rugby or soccer, but lacrosse is a possibility. Possibly gymnastics (well-balanced physiques), but not so much a group sport (maybe parkour). Swimming is hands-down my favorite sport, but I loathe chlorine; I'll have to keep that to open-water triathlons. Speaking of triathlons, I thought of doing "The Tough Man" triathlon (half of "The Iron Man"), but it costs $300 to register; f*** that.
I finally found a local recreational league which allegedly plays a lot of sports, but so far they are limited to Ultimate Disc/Frisbee (which I do enjoy anyway). We'll see how that goes when I return.

Romantically, I've been in continuous desperation for ms. perfect (seems to be the only part missing in my awesome life). I've resorted to a free/clever online-dating site (well, for the last 7 months); while it's an interesting sociological passtime, it hasn't really helped. Plus my ms. perfect is probably not on said dating site. Hopefully my lovelife will rise in the Fall.

That more/less covers my summer so far, and I'm ready to go outside (bicycling around).

carpe vita!


Love,
gM

voila

zen/instant&always pleasure-happiness
+
expansion
+
"use it or lose it"
-
unnecessary consumption
+
(necessary) socializing
--------------------------------------
Beauty/Perfection


Love,
gM

what i got

on the more ethical side, I'm still working towards the goal of athletic hippie actively involved in the local community. however, the idea of just living life to make it as enjoyable and interesting as possible (without concern for waste, death, etc.) is becoming very appealing. I'll probably settle for a mix.

life is generally good; finally got a job as a manny for three boys in a wealthy NY suburb. I'm working 12hr days, but it totally beats the office. met some cool peeps, been going out quite a lot. Life is doing it's thing.

Maybe work on a farm starting in the fall?

Love,
gM


P.S. shift from "don't take life (too) seriously" passively to "don't take life (too) seriously" actively

from that note

I've recently re-experimented with the idea of fate (a Plan); I've just let things sort of happen. Today it struck me that all this letting myself drift hasn't been disastrous, but I think I may have lost my drive--which I've come to believe is quite important. So, back to the belief that "God helps those who help themselves", even if God (whatever it may be) doesn't exist.
I feel it's time to let go of fears (mostly irrational) and forge the life I'm quite certain I want (making on-the-fly alterations, of course). e.g. let go of fear that in trying to forge a path, I will just be shooting myself in the foot--at best. (i.e. foolishly fighting fate)

As a starting vision, I aim to be an athletic hippie who can be a great businessman and/or community-leader while living in a treehouse. Also, I hope/plan to make New England work for me, not fall back to Colorado.

carpe vita!

Love,
gM