everyone's an artist, their life their masterpiece (part i)

i told an acquaintence the above and she thought i was a dogmatic bastard. denial much?

so i've been working on feeling less sorry for myself and getting myself out and around inspirational people, which led me to this old "underground"/hipster-NYC mailing list which sends out a weekly email of cool/bizarre events in NYC (usually relating to experimental [performance] art). It's entertaining and cheap/free, which is gold to me.
...i've been on the list since junior year of college, but I didn't feel cool/ballsy enough to partake in such "this is your life" events; now I'm finally up there. *waves flag of enthusiasm*

in feeling less sorry for myself, I try also to be less bitter about life. it seems that bitterness is usually caused by inaction, so i try to catch myself in bitter moments and think what i could do to move onwards and upwards. From this I've thought about being an "artist," because I'm so critical of all the movies/books/music/painting/etc that I see lots of people buying/watching/listening to/etc. I acknowledge that there are smarter and better-skilled people out there, and I'm always looking to them for inspiration, but a lot of the "successful" writers/painters/musicians, etc. are not these people. Most of the smarter, more-talented people seem to choose a more-secure/wealthier profession, expressing themselves as a hobby. The less-smart (but equally-skilled) ones tend to be bitter. So I feel I should make the compromise and become an "artist" who does not take himself seriously. I'll write to change people's minds, while generally raising morale. And I'll write better than others; that's my goal. I aim not to be excellent/amazing/etc, but to just be better than what's out in the open. And if other people start doing the same, then we've raised the bar on media and I'll gladly step aside to work on other areas of the human experience (like health & sustainability).

This decision was made with ethics in mind. Part of me wants to be zen-ethical: be in every moment how I think the world should be, regardless of how many people fall below my standard. But that can be painfully frustrating, and humans should embrace pleasure. Which leads me to the idea of being resource-ethical: accepting that people with the most resources can make the biggest changes, so why not aim to get lots of resources (money) and change the world how you/one sees fit?
I've generally accepted the latter, because I feel it's important for people to strive to impact the world with their "unique" expression, in an Adam Smith sort of way. e.g. everyone striving to be as cool as possible will make the world a cooler place.

So until something better comes along, it's being an "artist" (scripts, columns, articles, reviews, essays, stories, et cetera).

OR, I throw away the notion that "success" is important and just live every day as happily as possible with no grand aspirations. But I'm kind of into the 'grand aspirations' thing; thank you Western Civ.


to be continued... (post would be too long)

Love,
gM

but who's going to entertain me?!

for anyone ludicrous enough to check my blog, this (post) is for you!

well i've been "making it work" as much as possible, but Fate has been jealous and is slightly stronger than me...so life limps on.

I've increased my nanny network to a whole international entourage, but--unfotunately--they don't quite see it that way. Or they do and they hate me for it. Either way, I'm still very sexually frustrated (and therefore frustrated with life in general)!
...I tried to seduce a relative and now we hate each other.

But on the upside, my host family and I have been growing closer together, and I know enough inspirational people to "move along."

Philosophically, I've tried "going big (or going home)" as much as possible, and I think it generally intimidates the audience...and therefore backfires and I get superdepressed. So I'm trying to "embrace the flow" as much as possible, also in a yogic sense (though I pretty much abhor yogic philosophy).

I'm still running and bodyweighting to stay fit; I have yet to join a gym (unlike my sell-out nanny friends!): shorts & sweatshirt in 40-degree weather; whooooh baby! ...but it just smells so damn good outside, especially by the sea.

AND, I've started drinking coffee. But I might start drinking solely espresso on occasion. Fascinating?

carpe vita my wonderful readers!

Love,
gM

fail.

"make it work" seems to only work in particular situations. i think it's back to mostly going with intuition, and challenging myself.


"The World's a Stage"
-gM

that's what i'm talking about

i've risen to the "make it work" existence.

Love,
gM

shabam.

just been taking it easy; currently on vacation visiting family and friends. Manny job has been extended through next summer, but I'm always looking for different careers more suitable to my person (but 'suitable to my person' keeps getting simultaneously more & less clear, which hasn't been too helpful).

Summer got semi-boring pretty fast when a lot of my nanny friends left to go home, but my weekends have been full of roadtrips and adventures (mostly Connecticut).

Been watching movies (any good ones have been added to the list in this blog), reading books (ditto), and improving my physique.
Been running nearly nightly, do yoga every now and then, and i've been trying to find a sport to call my own / join a local league, but all I can find are youth leagues. I'm leaning towards rugby or soccer, but lacrosse is a possibility. Possibly gymnastics (well-balanced physiques), but not so much a group sport (maybe parkour). Swimming is hands-down my favorite sport, but I loathe chlorine; I'll have to keep that to open-water triathlons. Speaking of triathlons, I thought of doing "The Tough Man" triathlon (half of "The Iron Man"), but it costs $300 to register; f*** that.
I finally found a local recreational league which allegedly plays a lot of sports, but so far they are limited to Ultimate Disc/Frisbee (which I do enjoy anyway). We'll see how that goes when I return.

Romantically, I've been in continuous desperation for ms. perfect (seems to be the only part missing in my awesome life). I've resorted to a free/clever online-dating site (well, for the last 7 months); while it's an interesting sociological passtime, it hasn't really helped. Plus my ms. perfect is probably not on said dating site. Hopefully my lovelife will rise in the Fall.

That more/less covers my summer so far, and I'm ready to go outside (bicycling around).

carpe vita!


Love,
gM

voila

zen/instant&always pleasure-happiness
+
expansion
+
"use it or lose it"
-
unnecessary consumption
+
(necessary) socializing
--------------------------------------
Beauty/Perfection


Love,
gM

what i got

on the more ethical side, I'm still working towards the goal of athletic hippie actively involved in the local community. however, the idea of just living life to make it as enjoyable and interesting as possible (without concern for waste, death, etc.) is becoming very appealing. I'll probably settle for a mix.

life is generally good; finally got a job as a manny for three boys in a wealthy NY suburb. I'm working 12hr days, but it totally beats the office. met some cool peeps, been going out quite a lot. Life is doing it's thing.

Maybe work on a farm starting in the fall?

Love,
gM


P.S. shift from "don't take life (too) seriously" passively to "don't take life (too) seriously" actively

from that note

I've recently re-experimented with the idea of fate (a Plan); I've just let things sort of happen. Today it struck me that all this letting myself drift hasn't been disastrous, but I think I may have lost my drive--which I've come to believe is quite important. So, back to the belief that "God helps those who help themselves", even if God (whatever it may be) doesn't exist.
I feel it's time to let go of fears (mostly irrational) and forge the life I'm quite certain I want (making on-the-fly alterations, of course). e.g. let go of fear that in trying to forge a path, I will just be shooting myself in the foot--at best. (i.e. foolishly fighting fate)

As a starting vision, I aim to be an athletic hippie who can be a great businessman and/or community-leader while living in a treehouse. Also, I hope/plan to make New England work for me, not fall back to Colorado.

carpe vita!

Love,
gM

here i am

'still at New England rural home, jobhunting like mad (and doing farmer-eqsue chores--to cover my room&board--during the day; definitely love outdoor manual labor...within reason). My family here is really into Joss Whedon's Firefly (& Serenity), so I started watching the whole series a week or so ago and just finished it all (including the movie); excellent, especially compared to Battlestar Galactica--which seriously lacks in the humor department. In influential fashion, I've reinstated 'absurdism' to my beliefs.
Also, definitely a strong supporter of the 'Love vs. Fear' view of holistic human existence; all actions done out of Love are the "best", while all actions made out of Fear are the "worst"; then, of course, all actions/thoughts in between are that much better/worse...

Jobwise, not so much. Might have just landed myself a job as a dishwasher at a trendy local café, but not sure if the hours will be enough. I might try one more job around here, then I think I'm gonna throw in the metaphorical towel and head back to my Colorado home, to lay down a (financial) foundation from which to (~safely) adventure forth. I almost landed a job on a nearby farm, which I think would have been excellent; definitely something to keep in mind. Or perhaps I'll do something entrepreneurial (with computers)?
The problem with WWOOF is that it doesn't pay, and I have student loans (come August) that will need payment.

I also hope to make some local friends soon: although SciForums.com keeps me satiated intellectually, I'm getting miserably deficient in the social/love department.

Oh, and I've started the book Life of Pi, which I found in the room I'm staying; it's about a kid and a tiger, in a boat, stranded on the ocean. Yea, so far so good.

note to self: I'm healthier, grounded, when I let my energy flow with gravity.

I think that's enough for now.
carpe vita

Love,
gM

P.S. I'm not really keeping up with the links in this blog; I think a lot of them don't work anymore. c'est la vie

a long time coming

hola, I'm still alive!

I'm back in New England (where both my parents' families originate); I love it. Yet I was supposed to have a 'manny' job lined up and it fell through (last-minute family drama on their side), so now I'm hanging out in a forest (rural home) scanning job listings and playing the "family network" card.

But below the surface I'm quite content whilst playing with new life theories from the foundation of old "apexes":
...for a while I was experimenting with fruitarianism (fruits [incl. tomatoes, cucumbers, & bell peppers], nuts, and grains), which I've since given up for the "eat what tastes, feels, and smells good" diet (which is mostly the above fruit diet anyway); I'm bulking up though (lots more carbs than I was eating, 'cause I saw myself in the mirror at the gym and was like DAYM I look small and fragile).

...experimented with the idea of "use it or lose it" but also let go of the "expanding"/growth mentality and stopped massaging myself and have come to the conclusion that the healing power of touch is important (i.e. I've gotten more tense).

...also got hooked on Battlestar Galactica and just finished the entire show a week ago. (totally not happy with the plotholes, but this forum has been of great consolation). BSG greatly influenced my (religious) beliefs and I began to reconsider the power of Love (vs. Fear), and then also the idea that we are all perfect just as we are (kind of a "don't worry, be happy" no matter what -- e.g. your best friend is homicidal [to use an extreme example]), so that's been interesting.

...and for some reason a lot of the above reignited my interest in yoga, which I just started doing this afternoon (to the BSG soundtracks, no less). Maybe something to do with the idea of "use it or use it" meets Love...
And nude yoga, mmm.

...notion that "God helps those who help themselves" but that God actually does help (as opposed to the atheistic slant of the axiom).


and Now
...I'm debating what my next step is; manny, bartender, barista, masseur, screenwriter, etc.

I just want to be healthy: sexy, happy, fun, loving, creative, etc.
Time will tell...

Love,
gM

romantic breakthrough?

haHA! I just had an epiphany which seems to be a huge and AWESOME breakthrough for romantic philosophy!!! FUCK YES! whooooooooh! ou Ou OU! haha

Love,
gM

"Wolf Like Me"

click here!

...my cover of TV on the Radio's "Wolf Like Me". I was supposed to perform this at open mic tonight, but I opted out of enduring stage fright. =)

some light consumption

...from the library:

on the road

'just did a tour of SoCal and discovered California does not offer what I'm looking for. I'm now contemplating a move to Oregon, but it seems I'm really more desperate for a certain people who also wouldn't mind traveling (on a nil budget) than I am for a certain location.

the adventure that is life continues...

paz,
gM

life, the universe, and everything

How timely I should write this post on the last day of this Gregorian year. Life is—at the moment—peaceful. So here’s the deal:

I believe the end of my fundamental experimentation is over and that a lifetime full of nourishing experience is ahead of me. I’ve decided to end my consumerism, especially of information. I am giving up technology as much as possible, except for (crucial) multi-directional communication. This means goodbye (unless/until I change my mind); a sweet sweet goodbye.

I’ve found that as humans we really need each other, and we need to relax a lot more—to take life at a pleasurable (usually slower) pace. No force; let everything flow naturally.

This last blog post is the exception; one last flame for the dying fire.

I postulate that (the root of all) evil is desensitization, which in turn leads to a sickening lack of comfort and concern for one another.

I have found that we are all we need for beauty, pleasure, and sustenance—happiness—and that everything should be done out of sensible pleasure. Intellectualism is for the uncomfortable (and perpetuates discomfort). One sense should not deny the others; that is the necessary balance.


As I have discovered these truths over and over again, it is intellectualism that leads me to a destructive doubt, taking my mind off of life (in the fullest most aware sense), often making me dangerously afraid of it.

…
Sometime next week I drive out to California to start this new wondrous life full of fantastic experiences no media can transmit. If I never write here again, you should assume I am out living (unfathomable) dreams.

And I encourage you to do the same. Pack up, sell, and/or JUST GO. Start traveling. Be aware that awful things can happen, but also the most wonderful things. Be very aware of your surroundings and don’t rush; you’ll be just fine.

I am beginning to believe the world would instantaneously be a tremendously more wonderful place if people just stopped what they were doing, started paying attention to the life happening right around them (good and bad), and started traveling (the world).

I do not plan to take many (if any) pictures; I’d much rather share my experiences with people dramatically and/or personally. I’ll also remember them much better this way.
...I’d rather take my kids around the world than show them all of the trips I took with a digital camera.

…a person’s experience is quite detectable, if you pay attention. Resensitizing can be a slow process, but—once you start—you'll find the world a much more complicated yet navigable place.

With that, I wish you all the best!


Love,
gM



P.S. I just found some new bands I like via CDBaby:

-Japanese Sunday
-Goddamn Electric Bill
-Little Plastic Pilots
-Lanterna
-Landing Lights

(I opened up more tabs/bands based on those selections, but then caught myself overconsuming)


…also, I meant to add three books to my last post, all by Jared Diamond:

1. Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies
2. Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed
3. The Third Chimpanzee: The Evolution and Future of the Human Animal


-carpe vita

books and memories

I was gifted a $25 B&N card for the holiday, so I decided to spend hours in Barnes & Noble perusing various texts...of which I ended up with $120 worth ($95 w/ the card; phew!). There you go media industry!

The Dirt on Clean by Katherine Ashenburg
Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman
Steal This Book by Abbie Hoffman
The Hedonism Handbook by Michael Flocker (some permanent support against my information-whorism)
Orange County: A Personal History by Gustavo Arellano
Breaking Open the Head by Daniel Pinchbeck
...and, last but not least, Jennifer Government by Max Barry

So far so good. I also just stumbled upon a drawer of photographs and letters from elementary through high school; talk about nostalgia! I haven't really changed that much, fundamentally.


enjoy It,
gM

P.S. I just saw Danny the Dog and was very pleasantly surprised! I never heard of this movie; I found it because the soundtrack is the latest work by UK trip-hop group Massive Attack. It's a little brutal, but quite moving.

zeal rising

well quite the (final) semester. All sorts of interesting classes: anatomy via dance, cooking (science), consumer culture studies, "Japan through its literature," and a seminar on modern russia.

Met lots of new people, did a lot of new things (especially school-related activities: dinner with Pres. Sexton, lots of varsity games, cultural night events, etc.; also, delved into Jewish culture via a new friend), and decided I was done with school (for now).

This lat bit (leaving school) came about as "the logical next step" culmination of my semi-intense life experimentation, which really took off around the new year '08 (basically right before this blog was started).

I'm home for the holidays, and then perhaps off to Oregon (where I hope to find more like-minded people in a less consumerist, more natural environment).

However, once my decision to leave school was made, the possibilities for my future keep opening up (aside from student loans...DUN Dun dun). Now I'm toying with the idea of returning to my childhood home, sunny Californ-i-a; 'cept probably the (other) southern part.

to adventurous days ahead, full of vim and joy...

Cheers,
gM

and so

the rest of my life has begun

42

-breathe thoroughly
_____-breathe/push-out technique to loosen up muscles, but
_____relax to find the right "spot" made discernible/achievable
_____by such breathing technique (don't focus too hard on this;
_____that achieves the opposite effect)
-be supple
-move with relaxed confidence/power
-smile (genuinely)
-get physical (but not aggressive/abrasive)
-be active (~sports) and social (prefer advanced social circles)
-keep an open mind, but one that retains/uses profound
_____knowledge (don't let all slide through)
-wash (with water [only]) when dirty/sweaty
-rest when tired (only?)
-"no pain no gain" is a ridiculous idea; there is always a painless
_____way to achieve great tasks
-be amongst nature (plants/woods/fields/etc) often
-understand that your means to happiness/pleasure is via social
_____activities (not food; it is fuel)
-eat simple but varied foods (tastier and more colourful=better)
-set 'seek' to a little more than trickle, set 'enjoy' to stream
_____-make sure seeking doesn't get in the way of enjoyment
_____(once you stop enjoying seeking, start living)
-continual (new) stimulus is necessary for healthy growth
-get over bad habits: accept/come to terms with them, and
_____progress!
-be playful (and be a player [theatrically])
_____-allow yourself to fake/experience Emotion, but never take
_____Death emotions/actions irritably.
-being thorough does not equal being good/great; there is a
_____time to be thorough, but usually skimming (and revisiting)
_____is the best option
-you like fucking with people and being fucked with by people
_____= bisexual
-seek knowledge & wisdom, ancient and modern
-listen to/stream the (world) news, once a day (at least)
-dance and swim (move) for pleasure
-maintain correct posture (especially feet, stomach, and
_____neck/shoulders)
-keep in touch with family and friends, but just 'touch' is fine
_____-be a good son
-don't be codependent (with the meek/weak/sick)
-moving whilst asleep seems to be best (to keep body
_____flowing/circulating while mind rests)
_____-just make sure positions are extended/relaxed
-be Aware (of as much as possible without overexamining [made
_____evident when feeling anxious/stressed])
_____-use all your senses; full disclosure, etc. isn't always
_____correct!
-don't settle, but enjoy every moment
-be sustainable
-encourage (human) Life
-get yourself out of "bad" situations, with style!
-don't stress; when you're frustrated, you're dwelling
-know your limits (don't under- nor overestimate your abilities;
_____[continually] experiment to define limits)
-be minimal with your sustaining necessities (no soap/shampoo,
_____don't over-eat, etc.)
-be aware of the Greatness you are achieving (subconscious at
_____work will make such achievement easier)
(-be godless)
-find your 'mate(s)

...make it to June 2009: at this point, you continue to learn as if to live forever, whilst you start to live as if the end is near (continuous joy via all emotions/actions).



Love,
gM

it's been quite a while, yes indeedy

Acting on my education, living life to the fullest as much as possible.

'Pictures' section is still WAY outdated (last album is from January; there are at least 25 more since then, and growing). But life is too precious, right now, to spend time uploading pictures.

What exactly am I doing with it? In brief:

...for the summer:

-(open water) swimming
-running (San Francisco Marathon)
-ab/using Meetup.com
-teaching myself Latin
-reading esoteric/eclectic literature
-watching esoteric/eclectic films & documentaries
-experimenting with veganism (again)
-supporting my dad's gigs
-cleaning my dad's house
-brainstorming post-college Gameplans
-networking

...whilst enjoying The Moment as much as possible.

Here's a picture of me from my July 4th 10K race: click here
I expected 40th, took 3rd, and missed 2nd by ONE SECOND!

For those really interested in what I've been up to...

...mostly via Meetup.com (which has been a godsend):

-trampoline arena (jump/flip with strangers on interconnected trampolines for an hour)

-urban-gardening party (potluck at someone's house with a drum circle and BBQ. House is sponsored by SJSU to grow organic food that is given to the cafeteria)

-metaphysical society July 4th potluck (group of 20+ strangers that are into all kinds of spirituality. Great array of veggie/vegan/meat-lover foods, and a gorgeous hillside view of the bay (area) from which we watched July 4th fireworks of 6+ demonstrations)

-San Jose running group (I ran the San Ramon 10K on July 4th with one of the members, and will run the SF Marathon with him as well)

-Opera sampler (free event to give sample arias from upcoming operas)

-'Karaoke & Dance' event (no non-danceable songs allowed to be sung)

-drum circle meetup

-Splash'n'Dash biathlon (1500m swim, 5k run)

-Catfish open swim (3.6mi swim; I was sent wrong information, showed up late, and luckily swam only 1.2mi)

-3 days/week lap-swimming at Santa Clara Int'l Swim Center

-YNOW inGroup session (San Francisco youth group emphasizing sensuality and human connectedness. Interesting, but never again)

-"Tarangini" Indian dance performance ('left early; very disappointed)

-Club Rodeo line-dancing (with some famous country band [live])

UPCOMING
-BBQ Potluck & Swim (running group organizer's house)
-Silent Film night (4 films for $5 at some old theatre)
-49er training camp (FREE)
-Gilroy Garlic Festival (seriously: garlic ice cream)
-"All Shook Up" musical (Shakespeare meets Elvis)
-Tour de San Francisco (as much as one group can cram into San Francisco: Segway tour, Alcatraz tour, Chinatown, museums, "famous movie locations" tour, trolley tour, etc.)
-meetup with a guy I met at the metaphysical potluck to discuss long-term, societal planning/requirements
-San Francisco Marathon
-Swimart.com 'Treasure Island swim'
-Rosicrucian Museum events
a. "Humanity's Interstellar Destiny" discussion
b. Intro to Hieroglyphics
c. Ancient Egyptian cooking class
d. Ancient Egyptian cosmetics
e. Wonders of Mesopotamia (e.g. contributions)
-Battle of the Sexes laser tag!

...and probably more, but I've also got to sleep, clean my dad's house (it's a mess), and read/watch esoteric literature/films!

The only bummer is that I don't really have anyone to relax with. All of the socializing takes place at events, so it's 'go out and socialize, stay in read/watch.' It'd be nice to just hang with people, at a house, during the week (I'd very willingly sacrifice movie/book time).

Anyway, time to get off this life-draining device.

PEACE!
-gM

P.S. All of the above has happened since I arrived in California, late June. Before that was wonderful: a week in NYC with my friends and family in Connecticut; nonstop social banter. Then a week in Colorado with my mom and highschool buddies; also nonstop social banter and random activities.
It was in Colorado I first discovered meetup.com, and went to the Denver Philosophical Society potluck, which was amazing; 25+ people ranging from 19-70, discussing the Greats and not-so-Greats of philosophy, religion, etc. I got into a debate with some guy about capitalism at a related meetup in Colorado, but that was kind of draining. haha!

conclusion
awesome, pre-"Real World," explorative summer full of the ups and downs of trying lots of new things (such as letting go of old, comforting-only-because-they're-familiar-but-still-comforting things). Life goes on & on & on!

Love,
gM