fighting my way to peace

Now that I have a place to empty my thoughts, all I can think about is emptying my thoughts. This is probably not good, from my own perspective, as it's becoming a compulsion/addiction in the same way talking all the time to make sure you don't leave a part of yourself out is (figuring you have a better chance of being understood the more you express yourself). This is somewhat valid, but it's also like asking questions about everything in class, and then running out of time; whereas if you kept quiet, you'd (usually) get your questions answered and learn a lot more. In my case, I'm running out of 'living' time. Whatever:

'lot has been happening, even though I'm not going out all the time (but I am aiming to go out more in the indefinite future). My buddy Devin sent me this song/video, and it really moved me; I had a cathartic 10-minute cry, reminiscing over choices I've made and nostalgia (like playing 'sharks and minnows' with Danville peeps, warm evening walks, days working with a variety of people at KFC/TacoBell, and so forth...).

__________I will overcome you like a rushing river?

SUPERCAR was last week's favorite band, and is still pretty up there. However, another experimental Japanese pop rock electronica band, Boom Boom Satellites, crept into my favorites for a bit (though after a while they sounded the same too much, whereas SUPERCAR is quite diverse stylistically). Boom Boom Satellites are more “Get up and go GO!”; one of my favorite songs of theirs is “Play,” which can be heard on this website, here, and/or live. Their newer stuff is more simple, yet catchy (i.e. mainstream). I want to get into a bar brawl with the singer when I hear this song.

This interesting article, from my 'sociological theory' class, mentioned Max Headroom. Who's Max Headroom? ...

I totally forgot about school registration (NYU) on Tuesday; I was delegated 8am EST (for electronic sign-up). Luckily, the history classes I need to take ("Empire and Globalization" and "Consumer and Consumption Culture") were still available once I remembered. I'm also taking a "Human Biology" course, to learn more about my body from an academic/scientific perspective (rather than with frantic, internet research). This is actually a filler course which might change depending on how well I teach myself Japanese this summer. The fourth course will hopefully be a creative writing course; I've taken two creative writing classes at NYU and enjoyed them both immensely.

As I like variegating my courseload (two history, one science, one [creative writing]), I decided to take another creative writing course. It's either going to be "Extreme Fiction," "The Sounds Those Words Make," or "New Writing, New Strategies"; the last two are poetry, while the first is fiction/(short-)story. I had to apply for all three; even though I missed the March deadline, the classes seem to be open, so the department sent out my sample writings to the three professors. Throughout this process, I reviewed my previous, sophomore-year 'creative writing' pieces and 'was fairly shocked with the glimpse I received of a year ago, especially with my "meta letter" (a reflective letter written to the teacher at the end of the course).

Healthwise, I've had a hard time sleeping (hold back your laughter!) these last few nights, though it might be because I was working on a paper (/tensing up). However, it seems as though the best position—scientifically speaking (coming from the professor who's teaching the "Human Biology" class this fall)—is to lie on your back without a pillow under your head, but a pillow under your knees to keep them slightly bent (which helps keep your spine correctly aligned). I tried it last night and had a hard time staying still, but this could easily be because my muscles are so tight that they want to spasm. When I woke up (all twisted), I felt miserable, but then consciously laid on my back, doing focused breathing, and noticed my whole body relax. So, perhaps practice makes perfect. I'll let you know, either way.
______Also, I've given up on the raw-food diet. By 'given up' I mean the evidence against it seems stronger than the evidence for it; while I still love eating raw fish (sushi/sashimi), fruits, and vegetables, I am no longer eating foods raw that are normally cooked (such as potatoes).
________I am, however, remembering what I discovered a ~month ago about breathing out with the entire body to achieve a relaxed ecstasy. To achieve what I'm talking about (WARNING: I am not medically-certified), breathe in (at a relaxed pace) and then breathe out. Don't force the air out quickly; let it fall out on its own, and then—when you feel you should breathe in again—squeeze the rest of the air out of your lungs with your stomach/ab-area (diaphragm?), by pulling in. You should feel your face relaxing, as if air were being pushed out of your pores and simultaneously letting your face relax. This is essentially the same feeling you want to get throughout EVERY part of your body. Getting it to happen simultaneously is probably difficult at first, so start by focusing on certain muscles. Also, this is more/less a means to an end, not the end itself. When you're squeezing, you're not really relaxing; it's more of a release mechanism. Your goal is to relax, but to reach deeper levels of relaxation via such "centrifugal breathing." Once you reach a deeper state, relax and go on with your life. Just be aware of your body "closing in on itself," which could be worded "your body tensing up." The goal is to be full of a joyous health/relaxation, so make sure you're relaxed and calm during the whole process (don't focus too heavily on squeezing out; you want to remain untense [use your forehead as a marker]). It's one of those things that is difficult to explain, but once you achieve it you know what I'm trying to say. When I achieve this state I feel excited, fearless, and desiring people (being social).
__...and Galen's lost it. (haha)

I finally started to read Haruki Murakami's literature, as opposed to just reading about the man. I went out and bought A Wild Sheep Chase, but 'am still perusing some of his short stories that I found for free on the 'net. So far his writing's interesting, but there are certain things (word choices) that I would do differently to please myself (perhaps mal-effects of translation?). To give you a taste of the content, one short story is about a recently-married couple that solve their awkward, newly-wed status by robbing a McDonalds. I think I'm ready for what Haruki deems his first novel (the first work he was proud to have published): A Wild Sheep Chase.

I am looking forward to beach bonfires in California this summer (one of the Murakami short stories I'm reading has characters down at the beach making a bonfire).

Oh, and I saw the second half of Hot Fuzz yesterday. From what I saw, it is an excellent movie. I wish I could say the same for Kill Bill, which I watched for the second time this morning in hopes of enjoying it much more than the first time I saw it (a few years ago).
______The music, cinematography, anime, costumes, etc. are cool. However, I found the "serious" dialogue way too drawn out (e.g. the scene where the sword-maker passes on the sword to Uma; we didn't get any dialogue for what Bill did to his family, but we get a long, non-poetic speech about how Uma is the exception to his oath!?), and why the hell is Uma wearing yellow? It's not her color (vs. black, maroon, navy [even]). The snow fight was beautiful.

Speaking of being critical, Devin pointed out to me that a lot of the movies on my list aren't good. All academic/thoughtful responses aside, he's correct. There are a lot of movies on my list that, if I watched again with a really critical eye, would be bad. Now, most of them take this into consideration, and are still so enjoyable that they make the cut. Some, however, made a deep impression on me at the time I watched them (in their unique plot), yet I have not seen them since, BUT if I had seen them again, would not make the list because I now have a broader knowledge of what's out there and so such uniqueness would have to be mixed with great overall production. *exhales* Basically, I don't care enough to go through my lists to ensure "quality"; it's a slippery slope. Most of the movies have redeemable qualities, some might not. This is another way of me saying that this blog is no longer about "quality" in the highest sense, but about whatever it's going to be about. Anyway:

I bought two pairs of drumsticks (of diferent weights). Some of the music I listen to has lame percussion, so now I participate in my music.

to end: I feel my life is really coming together with choices I'm making (which does wonders for my confidence and happiness). It's also slowly sinking in that, on the flipside of the mantra "you only live once," I don't want to live a life of anxious searching—'trying to discover the world so intently that I don't enjoy it. Enjoyment & health (together) is my number-one priority now. However, I do appreciate all that I've gained/learned from my searching, exploration, and experimentation. As my mom would say, "it's all about finding a balance."
...though I prefer "knowledge is power, wisdom is happiness."

haha, anyway: I am glad to be here, for sure.

Love,
gM